True Love is True

All the vows uttered by couples at the altar come to my mind, ‘in sickness and in health’, ‘till the death do us depart’, ‘marriage is a sacred union’. I wonder, are those words valid in present world?

I guess no, for those who cannot tolerate when their partner’s sweat smells after a long tiring day at work, for sex addicts that cannot hold-back their desires till their partner’s mensuration is over. Those words do not apply to them. Also, not for those who just want a marriage of convenience and not for those who are not hesitant to do unjust to their partner.

But what about divorce? Why do two people grow apart, though they couldn’t live without each other sometime ago? Why do the couples we assumed to be perfect, split? Do we need to have a right for a divorce or is it just an easy way out?

As a practising attorney for 3 years, I happened to notice issues in marriages that eventually led to divorces.

One of my clients (an idiot) wanted to divorce his legally married wife for not answering his late-night phone calls. The wife had been working at a garment factory from 6 am to 6 pm. They have never lived as husband and wife though they had put their signatures on a piece of paper. He had avoided entering the wedded life as he was unsure whether he was ready to shoulder the responsibilities of a husband. When I heard his story, the first question popped in my mind was why the hell he married that girl in the first place (is he not an idiot?).

I had to fight for my client as he badly wanted a divorce though he really didn’t have a case. I believe if he wanted to work out his marriage, he could have arranged to live under the same roof with his wife, despite all the hardships. I had to ask the wife if she was willing to divorce as well. The wife agreed to file for a divorce, and the marriage was dissolved stating that they never ever had a real family life. My client got what he wanted, a divorce without paying a claim. I wonder why they did not choose to have a little patience and respect the bond they had shared in the past. Why did they take the easy way out?

The sad truth is that most of divorces I have filed and appeared in court for, were cases where the couples have not actually had a relationship of a husband and wife. They have decided the family life would be a bitter berry even without tasting a bit of it. In a marriage, two families are involved and divorcing over trivial matters affects not only the couple but their families. People get hurt, dignity of parents shattered.

In Sri Lanka, most couples legally get married (some call it an engagement), later have the wedding ceremony and thereafter live under the same roof. Some are marriages of convenience like getting a visa. One of my clients was a woman in mid-twenties, her husband was living overseas and he did not wish to live in Sri Lanka nor take his wife with him to where he was living. They got divorced.

Once two ladies came to meet me in my office in Kegalle, they were mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The mother-in-law told me that her son is living overseas and his wife was not happy to leave the country. The wife told me that at the point of the marriage, she was not informed of the husband’s decision to live abroad. The husband and wife liked each other, in fact they didn’t have any problem other than the mismatch of ideas on what should be the country of residence. One of them had to compromise, but none were willing to.

Most marriages among younger ones end just like that, they are taking the easy way out. They are stubborn and don’t try to even out their differences. If they really liked each other in the first place, why they can’t compromise the small things? They are reluctant to the fact that each person on earth has his or her own set of flaws. Nobody can expect their partner to be perfect when himself or herself is not perfect in the first place. After all, if every man and woman on earth were perfect, wouldn’t the world be a boring place?

Finally, I want to tell you about a couple that managed to choose love over their differences. A young couple got married against the will of the girl’s parents. This girl had a dream of becoming a nurse. Married women are not eligible to enter the government’s nursing schools. The parents of the girl had been influencing her to give up her marriage and enter the nursing school as a single woman. The wife was lost in her career dreams for a while and wanted a divorce. This couple came to me to file a divorce and I noticed the husband was in tears as he spoke. He was soft-hearted and he didn’t choose to disturb his wife’s dreams although he wanted her so much. Later the couple had reconciled, the wife had decided to enter a private nursing school and the husband has helped her with the finances to pay for studies. I was happy when they told me they don’t want a divorce anymore. I was glad the wife could secure both her career dreams and her love marriage.

They chose true love, while not losing themselves in the process. They chose each other, made little compromises but didn’t give up their own identity. I was lucky to witness true love triumph in their case, a rare experience in my career.

I want true love to win, always.

A person whom you can connect to naturally, a person who chooses you over other things and other people, a person who understands your moods, a person who nourishes your soul, a person who don’t force you to be someone you are not – if you find such person, don’t ever let him or her go. True love is not a concept invented by poets. True love is true!